Gaining clarity through intuition

While some may simply equate an empath with being compassionate, having a big heart, and being full of empathy, according to Dr. Judith Orloff, there are, in fact, six different types of empaths. I am both an emotional and intuitive empath. Claircognizance is a term used for the ability to “know” or perceive events, incidents, or ideas before they occur. It’s like being psychically attuned to others by just a look. I certainly relate to this knack for intercepting and piecing together information in the present. I have always felt a sharper-than-average sense for intuiting things about the future.

My intuitive empath side is the part that I struggle with the most. I’m not a clairvoyant who can see the future. I cannot always make sense of what I am sensing or seeing. Sometimes it feels like I am trying to put together a puzzle that I know has several missing pieces but feel compelled to work on, regardless of the fact I know it will never be entirely completed. When something is trying to come through strongly, I experience deja vu. Sometimes it’s just a fleeting feeling, but other times it’s a jolt, almost like electrocution. I have learned to pay attention to these moments, particularly if it comes with a sense of panic or nausea.

I remember one occasion in university when my roommate and I were writing an evening exam. We had agreed previously that rather than wait for each other, we would just head out when we were done. As I neared the end of the exam with maybe thirty minutes left of the time limit, I started to get uneasy. I kept trying to focus on the exam in front of me, but I could hear the clock's secondhand ticking. I had a sickening feeling that I should not go home alone. Time seemed to slow down. With each moment that went by, I felt a sense of panic rise with each question I completed. My heart was beating rapidly. I felt clammy. When I still had about twenty questions to complete, I saw my roommate get up and leave the room. At that point, I started to feel like I was going to hyperventilate. I remember closing my eyes and asking my roommate to wait for me. I almost got up and followed her, leaving my exam unfinished, but I needed to get a good mark, so I somehow managed to finish the remaining questions. I had decided to take a cab home, but when I walked out the door, I saw my roommate waiting for me. As she left the room, she felt she needed to wait for me for some unexplained reason. I was close to tears and told her I had the strongest feeling that we should not go home by ourselves and had sent her a message to wait for me.

The next morning, we turned on the news to watch while eating breakfast. The first story we watched was a warning to university students. The night before, a university student walking home after an exam was sexually assaulted in a park many used as a shortcut from campus to an area where many students lived. It was the park that my roommate and I had walked through after our exam the night before. I will never forget the expression on my roommate’s face when we looked at each other after hearing the story. From then on, I vowed that if I ever had another premonition about my safety, I would listen -- no matter how far-fetched it seemed.

How do you communicate feelings or inklings of feelings that you cannot put into words, particularly if you are trying to communicate with people who are decision-makers driven by facts? How do you protect yourself while communicating with people who are narcissists? This is where my frustration with communication comes in. People can use their charisma and charm in a way that disguises it as empathy to get what they want. How do you protect yourself against passive-aggressive people? They seem sincere in their conversations, but underneath you know there is a vein of hostility. When I’m dealing with both narcissists and passive-aggressive people, the common thread is that I am told to toughen up, that I shouldn’t be so sensitive and that I should learn how to take a joke. It’s exhausting; it leaves me feeling “less than”, like I am the one with the problem like I need to change who I am and how I communicate.

Hellen has helped me understand that not everyone thinks as I do. Not everyone can leap from point A to point E without working through each step along the way to make sense of what is being discussed. My intuitive and premonition abilities provide this ability. I can arrive at a conclusion and see a solution or identify a potential problem before most have realized they are on a journey with a problem that needs to be identified or solved. I am learning to identify these moments to stop myself from becoming frustrated and angry and to slow down and bring everyone along the path I have already travelled.

I am learning that to do this; I need to give myself time to prepare. I need time to collect my thoughts and write them down in a cohesive way so I can convey my message and get my point across. I am learning not to get frustrated when people ask me a clarifying question or don’t seem to be keeping up with me. I am trying to slow down and learn how to stay calm if I catch people looking perplexed or with facial expressions that say, “what the heck are you talking about?”, “are you nuts?” or “you have no clue what you’re talking about.”. I am learning to ask, “did I jump from A to E again?” I am learning to breathe and take a pause to collect myself or stop completely and ask to defer the conversation.

Most importantly, I am learning to be nice to myself. I can be comfortable with the fact that I am an empath. I am taking the Dalai Lama’s lessons to heart and embracing empathy as the most precious of human qualities. I am learning to use my empath abilities when I am struggling to understand a situation. Most importantly, I have begun addressing situations head-on when the actions and the words I observe do not match. I am finding that if I use the S.B.I technique (Situation / Behaviour / Impact) to outline the situation, conversation, or meeting and explain the impact certain behaviours from others have on me, that paves the way for an open, non-judging dialogue.

Admittedly, this method of addressing a situation can backfire -- especially if I am dealing with a person with low empathy, a narcissist or a passive-aggressive personality type. Thankfully, I have improved my ability to identify these people. I do not go in blind but ensure that I am centred, grounded, and ready to engage in the conversation with them. It’s a slow process. I have good days, bad days, and days where I get caught in negative self-talk. I am getting stronger and will become the person I want and know I can be. The person I always should have been.

Most importantly, I am trying not to judge. I am trying to learn how to report. When you report, you merely state what happened. Reporting takes away any attitudes or feelings and instead brings clarity. Reporting helps move us forward, whereas judging limits and confines us, leaving very little room to grow and gain acceptance.

As an empath, I can fall easily into the trap of internalizing other peoples’ feelings, which limits my ability to grow and evolve. Reporting what I feel means learning to control my actions and acknowledging and accepting what is mine. Acceptance allows me to be free and grow. I have accepted that I am an empath; I am slowly learning not to judge myself. With that comes freedom and the ability to communicate who I am and what I need -- without judgment.

Originally published on December 13, 2020 (https://girlintheredhatblog.wordpress.com/)